Author - Loveasdeepasthestars
Reviewer - sadnitez
Story Link - http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/22380/a-shining-ray-of-light-jonghyun-key-minho-onew-romance-shinee-taemin
Title – 4/5
The title does create interest at first sight. I especially liked the way you wrote Shining as SHINing to tell me that SHINee will be the main characters in this story. This is a creative move that makes the title even more eye-catching to the fans seeking for fan-fictions to read. Definitely a ‘killed two birds with one stone throw’ technique!
Graphics/Poster – 4.5/5
I loved the poster! It’s colorful, easy on the eyes and with a single glance; you can roughly catch on the “air” of the content. The quotes and words on the poster suited well with the story’s title, revealing just slightly more about what the story might be and this totally perks up my curiosity to read it.
The added bonus would be the smart choice of photos used for the poster. By having the girl’s face half-covered by the teacup, it gave me the freedom and choice to imagine what I would look like as the female character. This will subtly made me feel more involved with story! And not to mention that adorable smile on Minho’s face….*drools*
Foreword – 8/10
I liked your description; it created suspense that made me want to read on. But I felt that you had revealed a bit too much about the story’s content in the foreword. The questions you have posed may have highlighted your intention of how the story will basically be carried out in later chapters and this may lose a bit of surprise (here and there) for the readers. Other than that, the foreword and description are good!
Originality – 7.5/10
The story’s topic can’t be exactly termed as original or creative since it’s been seen on too many sappy Korean dramas.
But strangely, the idea still seemed refreshing and attractive to me no matter how many times I chanced upon it. (Maybe that’s because I enjoyed sappy stuffs =x) To add on, I haven’t seen many fan-fictions about blind heroines in AFF so your female lead does stand out among many. In fact, it made me curious about how you will portray the female lead’s perspective when she is blind and helpless. So it’s a tick at the category of piquing my interest/curiosity!
Flow – 11/15
Forgive me if I sounded harsh here. But I have to say, out of these entire reviewing categories, this story fared weakest at the flow of events.
I understand that it takes time to build up the created characters and events before introducing SHINee to the story. But in AFF where readers read fan-fictions because of the idol content, having SHINee to appear only after four-five long chapters does take a lot of patience/effort for me to continue reading. I almost wanted to skip directly to the fourth chapter simply because you mentioned in your foreword that they will only appear at the fourth/fifth chapter. No major worries about these though; even I commit the same mistakes when writing. I tend to drag certain events too long that idols never seem to appear anywhere (I still commit the same mistakes even now).
Everything went fine for me after the fourth chapter and that’s because SHINee finally appears! ^^
A friendly suggestion would be to reduce your first four chapters to two? That way, you can keep a SHINee fan’s interest to continue reading this lovely fan-fiction!
Plot/Characterization – 16/20
I was interested to read from the perspective of the blind heroine and though I was initially apprehensive that it might be terribly tragic, I realized it wasn’t the case as I read on. I find the blind heroine’s character to be likable. I enjoyed how she wasn’t extremely sappy over her ordeal and that she was able to pull herself together quite quickly. I like that kind of spunk in my female leads! In addition, the story has a rather light-hearted content (especially with the appearance of SHINee) and I found myself smiling once in a while at the story’s cuteness and the sweetness! ^^
One point I would like to raise is the number of created characters in your story. There were actually far too many created characters for me to keep track if I was a general reader. Till Chapter 9, the only created character I could recall was Sam, Mum and Tom while Eli’ other friends, stepmom and Dad simply fade into the background. So my suggestion is that you can either reduce the number of created characters in the story or you can include them more often in the later chapters so that readers will have greater impressions on them! ^^
Meanwhile, the plot was clear and easy to understand. The best thing is that the plot gets sweeter and cuter as I read along!
Writing style – 15/20
Your good grasp of English made your sentences readable and simple to understand. But the simplicity of your sentences can act as a dual edged sword as well. I find the writing style to be a tad bland at certain moments because of seemly-repetitive structured sentences. To add more colors to the plot, I suggest that you can try different sentences structures to describe the ongoing events.
E.g: I sprang out of bed and sprinted to the bathroom. I took the shortest shower in history (for me anyways) and pulled my clothes on as I was brushing my teeth. I put on just a bit of foundation and eyeliner and was out the door. With my book bag slung over my shoulder, I jumped into my car. I turned her on (yes, my car is a “she”) and threw her into drive. I made it to school with 3 minutes to get to class. I walked quickly towards my first hour AP English.
I immediately sprang out of bed and sprinted to the bathroom. By pulling my clothes on whilst brushing my teeth at the same time, I set a personal best shower record in history. A few light slaps of foundations and quick swipes of eyeliners, I was out of the door with my book bag slung over my shoulder. I jumped into my car, turned her one (yes, my car is a “she”) and threw her into drive. Within three minutes’ time, I had arrived in school and was already making my way quickly towards my first hour of AP English.
(Not saying or even trying to show, that my English/grammar/vocab is good enough to correct you or anything. This is just an example/suggestion about the different ways of writing sentences to describe an event. My two-cent worth of thought? ^^b)
Grammar/Punctuation/Spelling/Vocabulary – 8.5/10
Great English! Your usage of tenses was quite consistent, tending to stick at past tense in most parts of the story so far. Just take note of rare spelling errors that appears here and there in your story ^^
Overall enjoyment – 3/5
In my eyes, this fan-fiction is like a wrapped up sweet. You have to be patient and read on to unveil each coverings. But as you slowly take the time to unwrap and continue to read on, the plot of the story just seem to get sweeter and cuter, sweeter and cuter, sweeter and cuter….you get the idea ^^
Is this a fan-fiction that deserves you to spend some time to sit down and read it?
Definitely! And you will be surprised by how much you will enjoy reading each passing chapters!
TOTAL – 77.5/100
