Title – How To Throw a Punch (Chapter 1-13)
Author – fourevermuzik
Reviewer – sadnitez
Story Link – http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/18159/how-to-throw-a-punch-jonghyun-key-shinee-snsd-you


Title – 3.5/5
I like the title for being different from usual-mushy titles and it definitely stands out from other romance titles. At first, I was having trouble finding the relevance of the title (to the story) because there were no linkages found from the description and the foreword provided. By chapter two, I felt that a title “How to Catch a Punch” would be more appropriate for your story. But after reading subsequent chapters, I began to see where your title was coming from. So I had no troubles with your title! ^^

Graphics/Poster – 4/5
The poster was neat, simple and easy on the eyes. However the title seemed faded in the background because of the font type and font colour used. I personally feel that having a good title display on a poster is important because the poster acts as a story’s cover and what attracts readers to your story would be the title. The boxed-up display of the three main characters was creative – It highlights that they are the main characters of the story without making the poster looked messy. I especially liked white-coloured small speeches because they reveal insights of each main character’s personalities. Nice one!

A pity though, was the choice of character displays on the poster. I find SNSD’s poster appearance to be slightly un-necessary since only Seo-Hyun, Soo-Young, Jessica and Taeyeon (blinked and you missed her) appeared in the story. And although Ae-cha seems to be one of the major characters in the story (so far), I found it strange that she wasn’t on the poster. But that’s just my nit-pickings.

Overall, I really like the poster’s design. Good job on that!

Foreword – 9/10
What an interesting way to write the description/foreword! It has definitely attracted my attention to click “Next” button to read your story!
But do take note of your writing style’s consistency in the foreword. Its’ slightly strange to write in a “You” style and switched to “I” style in the next sentence.

E.g.: Invincible:
That's the one word a select number of students were known for. I was at the top of the list.

Originality – 7.5/10
Queenka meets Kingka and falls in love. You also threw in Jonghyun and Ae-Cha to spice up this love story and added the richness of the story’s plot. I like how ‘very-Korean drama’ feel this story has! ^^

Nothing has really thrown me off in the story so far. On one hand, this makes me comfortable about the story because what I expect will turn up in later chapters. On the other hand, I wasn’t too surprised by the case of mistaken identities or the eventual switch of partners in later chapters. Maybe that has to do with the build up of hints in earlier chapters that foretell how later chapters will go.

Flow – 13.5/15
The story was well-paced. I actually like how you cut short the details of Hye-Min’s and Key’s trial relationship so that I can read the main, actual plot of the story. This reduced the other-wise redundant length and details. The story flow much better as a result and this makes it a great read for readers! ^^

Plot/Characterization – 17/20
The plot is realistic, believable and easy to follow. Though you fast-forwarded details of Hye Min’s and Key’s trial relationship period, you managed to maintain romance in the air by focusing on certain events that happened between them. (E.g.: Their 3rd month anniversary celebrations. What Key did was just Awww...!)

Portrayal of Key is believable because you portrayed him with a fashion diva’s characteristics. On the bad side, this display of Key was conventional and lacked originality. But I’m not fussy over these sorts of stuffs as long as the created personality is realistic enough. ;)

For Hye Min, her personality was more complex than I thought. I was initially apprehensive that you may create a Mary-Sue (a too-perfect fictional heroine) out of her. But reading on, I was impressed with knowing that underneath her perfect demeanour, she has normal humane fears as well. I admired her unattainable-perfection yet at the same time, I was able to relate to her fears as well.

Jonghyun was unbelievably cute and sweet. I couldn’t find any reasons to hate him for snatching Hye Min away and deep down; I was even starting to support him. I felt the same way towards the pure-natured Ae-Cha even though she seemed to be the cause of trouble at the moment.
Likeable characters and likeable antagonists, I can’t seem to dislike anyone in this story.

Gosh!

Another point I would like to raise is the time-line of the story events. If you read it through again, Key was hospitalized on the same day when Hye-Min visited him. Jonghyun and Hye-Min found out about it early next morning and rushed to the hospital to visit him.
Strictly speaking, it has only been a day since Hye-Min and Key were apart from each other. So technically, it was wrong when Jonghyun stated:

Hopefully I didn’t get this time-line thing wrong (^_^)b. If I do, I apologize in advance for trying to correct you.

Writing style – 17.5/20
Your writing style is simple and easy to understand because of your good English! I like the underlying ‘light sarcasm’ tone that seem to add humour to the story. However you have to take note of some parts that seemed to lack enough descriptions to explain certain situations.

E.g.: The reason why Ae-Cha registered herself as Key’s girlfriend in the hospital. (Chapter 8)
If I didn’t read that portion clearly, I thought Ae-Cha was playing downright dirty at that specific moment. It was after thinking through that I realised she was probably registering as Key’s girlfriend because only family are allowed in the visiting room? Perhaps you can try to explain that to prevent readers from judging Ae-Cha’s character rashly.

E.g.: The Bandz (Chapter 7)
I didn’t know what Bandz was since they didn’t sell it at my place. (Or perhaps I’m too ignorant of my life >.<). So I was slightly confused at the confession part. The problem was solved when I googled Bandz. What I’m stating is that you may have to take note of readers being clueless about certain things that may seem common in other continents. (In this case – Bandz!) This may leave them guessing while reading certain story parts.

Grammar/Punctuation/Spelling/Vocabulary – 8.5/10
I have to scrutinize the entire story to find errors in your sentences. This just shows that your level of English is commendable!

Be careful of typos that appeared, though rarely, in the story. They may unintentionally create amusing sentences to readers! ^^b

E.g.: "Yeah. We're here to see Kim Kibum," I responded, seeing that Jonghyun was too out of bread to mutter a coherent sentence. (Chapter 8)
"Yeah. We're here to see Kim Kibum," I responded, seeing that Jonghyun was too out of breath to mutter a coherent sentence.

I found no problems about your usage of commas in your sentences to set pauses and tones. But you have a tendency to over-use them in a few sentences.

E.g: I had to admit it, though, Kibum was amusing, and different from all the other guys.
I had to admit it though; Kibum was amusing and different from all the other guys.

Other than these minor errors, I couldn’t point out any major problems with your grammar. Tense-wised, you have been quite consistent in sticking to past-tense though there were few lapses here and there. Nothing to worry about though, all authors commit the same mistakes. Overall, you have make reading enjoyable with good and simple English!

Overall enjoyment - 4/5
Great story plot, great writing styles and good English = A great read.
I don’t find it a must for a plot to be original. What kind of plot can remain truly original nowadays anyway? As long as I find myself enjoying what I read, it’s a good story!

Cheers! ^^